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Tonight, I was listening to a podcast show where they touched on suicide. It made me think. At first, I thought, this isn’t something close to me… Well, that is not true, I have a childhood friend who committed suicide, it did affect me.

But it made me think of Gina. Gina was both my neighbor and girlfriend, at the time. I have very fond memories with her, and we truly had a very young relationship. It was one of those kind of old school relationships were we would talk on the phone (not cellular but landline 📞) for hours. “Okay bye, you hang up, no you hang up, no you…” It was innocent and fun, and in many ways, experimental, if you know what I mean.

And for a time, it was good, as most relationships. Then, as most relationships, it ended. But the friendship kept on, we would still talk from time to time.

We also grew apart, different ages and different interests. Then I remember, she kept seeking me, trying to talk to me, calling, asking me to come over and just talk. But at the time I was, well, being young and stupid and me as the center of everything. Then, I found out, she had taken her life…

It shocked me, it hit close to my heart. It is something that still to this day I think about. “What if I had answered her calls, came over and talked to her?, would that had changed the outcome?, Is it, somewhat, my fault?”

These are questions and thoughts that I still think about to this day, twenty plus years after the fact.

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